| May 25, 2004 |
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| Tuesday, 25 May 2004 00:00 | |||
 Today would have been Jim's 50th birthday. When I stopped to think about this I realized just how young he really was (he was only 39) when he died. For many years after he passed on I was so angry about the fact that he left so soon and wasn't here to watch his children grow into adults, he wasn't here to guide them and he wasn't here to enter that transition from just a parent to a parent/friend. I was never angry at him for me, though I missed him deeply, but I knew I would move on and I have, but a child can never replace their parent nor can a parent replace a child. I hurt for my children and I hurt for Jim's Mom, Helen.
That was how I used to feel before I came to understand that life doesn't end here on this plain, that our spirits live on and that life on earth is merely one experience that we choose to go through. I believe we know before we are born when we will arrive here and when we will leave and we select our parents and many of our life experiences so that our spirits can grow. Jim packed a lot of living in his 39 years because he knew his time here was short and he had a lot to do.
We come here through the birth process with all this knowledge buried deep inside and somehow it remains there unless we are developed enough to tap into it. I experienced with Jim's death some unexplainable things that he did and said prior to his passing to prepare me for it. After he died I reflected on some of his actions that made me aware of the fact that somehow, supraconsciously he knew he was leaving. I have spoken with many other people who also went through similar experiences with their loved ones so I know I am not imagining this.
I know Jim is still with us. I feel his presence daily and even though I am very happy in my marriage with Rick, I think of Jim often and together Rick and I miss his sense of humour, his positive attitude and his love of life. We know he hasn't "died" and his spirit will always be here and are comforted by that.
Happy Birthday, Jim Seabrook, we love you too!
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