I think Jay's ability to tolerate pain is incredible. He is relying on very little, a couple of ibuprophen once a day and even then I have to convince him to take them. Today, he researched more about melanoma and also about the causes of cancer or disease.... dis-ease. He has decided he doesn't want to just treat the cancer but he wants to prevent a recurrence of it by determining and treating the cause. He is evaluating his lifestyle, his habits and his attitude to see if he can define exactly why this has happened and I am so in awe of his depth as a person.

Today, we walked around the block, a great distance for someone whose groin was split open and muscle tissue removed just three days ago. While we walked, we spoke about Jim (his dad) and his life, about how a person's state of mind can affect their health and about the changes he feels will be necessary to make if he wants to stay alive. I am amazed at his wisdom and insight and I have never been prouder of my son than I am today. He has been reading a number of books and magazine articles as well as asking questions and he has compiled a great deal of information which will help him to make a decision about future treatment.

I went out for a couple of hours this afternoon while Jay had a much needed sleep and I thought about what he has gone through in such a short time. I wondered if I would have had the same composure as he has if I was the one with the cancer; his level-headedness is remarkable. I still have this overwhelming need to protect him but I know this is his battle and I can only be a caring observer. Once someone told me when my children were little, that I should enjoy every minute with them because then life was easy. Now I am beginning to understand what they meant. This is far more complex than any of the small stuff that we went through years ago and I wish turning back the clock was an option.