I have to finally come clean and admit to everyone that reads this, that I am completely, hopelessly lost. By lost, (I don't mean directionally but I mean mentally). It seems I am totally unfocused with no direction. I am incapable of completing any task because part way through it, I lose interest or I get side tracked by something else. This isn't something new for me and I think it must have started in my teens when I quit school twice (the last time for good). It's obvious, I wasn't focused then. In later years I even took keyboarding at night school and quit that too, however in my defence, I did complete a landscaping course and a bartending course.

I am not bored at all with the travelling or this lifestyle but I keep putting off things that need to be done. I leave trails of my stuff around which I never quite get around to picking up and in time Rick gets so frustrated with me that he puts it away. I have been working on a needlepoint picture but so far it has taken me five years and I am not even halfway finished; I enrolled in a writing course and haven't even completed my first assignment; I bought a sketch pad, pencils, everything I need to start drawing again, (something I enjoyed as a teen) and have only done two sketches; I bought a meditation program and haven't picked it up in weeks and I have three (or maybe it's four) books that I have started reading (simultaneously) but haven't completed yet. I tell myself that I have had my plate full with my kids, first Jay's surgery and then the birth of Makai, but really that is no excuse. Besides, I have been "lost" for a lot longer than that. I need to learn to focus and complete one thing at a time but I haven't figured out how.

The only thing I can do regularly is write in here and for that I am grateful. Perhaps the discipline it takes to maintain a daily journal will finally sink into the other parts of my unfocused brain and have some kind of impact on it. Let's hope so or I will be lost forever.