|Tuesday, 02 November 2004 00:00|
How many of us go through our lives blaming others for what they have done to us? We blame our parents, we blame our siblings and our friends, we blame perfect strangers for some offence that caused us to feel pain and be who we are today. In reality, the blame lies within ourselves for allowing that person to affect us and in fact it is those misdeeds that teach us to become who and what we are.
I have spent years blaming my mother for not loving me enough and my father for not protecting me from her when in fact, they both did the best they could and they loved me as much as they were capable of. Both of my folks were raised during the depression and they grew up in England during the war. They came from that era when children should be seen and not heard and as a result my sister and I were raised accordingly. Yours truly rebelled against that philosophy and tormented them both yet they loved me anyway regardless of my behaviour. Expressing their love did not come easy to them, especially to my father, however it was understood anyway. Mom didn't quite know how to react to my insolence and she learned to shelter her heart, which I interpreted as not loving me when it was simply a way to protect herself from further pain. Simply put, my parents did their very best and through their efforts, I became who I am today.
It's hard to forgive people for their wrongdoings and I struggle with that everyday. It is seldom when we are intentionally "injured" by those who love us yet we internalize their thoughtlessness and blame them for it. Instead of looking at them with the same animosity that they delivered, we need to "let go" of their attack and learn from it in how we react and where we process it. We are constantly learning about ourselves and this world we live in and some of us learn our lessons quicker than others. I loved my father dearly which he knew before he died and only by separating myself from my mother, physically, have I been able to really see her and understand her actions and I know that she did her best. There are times when I wish I could turn back the clock to that time where we drifted apart and embrace her and acknowledge her efforts but I know I can't. I can forgive her though for the things that happened and I can love her just the same and I do. And I thank her for helping me to become who I am today. Thanks Mom!